Transsexual Road Map Notes

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Reader note about “passing” and “acceptance”

Erin sent this note about passing and acceptance, which I wanted to share. Transition is a leap of faith that everything will work out. Many people fear making that leap because they want everything to be perfect. There’s a fine line between being realistic about expectations and being paralyzed by fear. Worry about the things you can change, and don’t worry about the rest. Your feelings about yourself and the attitude you show others will be major factors in how people treat you.

Here’s Erin’s note in its entirety:

“Passing" and “Acceptance.”

We know they are two different things.

Here is my experience on it:

So as I am basically poor, I cannot really afford things like SRS or FFS. I can get by without FFS honestly. Not that I have a striking female face but it is convincing enough as is.

Anyways, the things that no surgery could really fix is my large frame. Yes, I am built like an out of shape linebacker.
at 5’9” and 220 pounds, I won’t be asked to model for Victoria Secret anytime soon.

Anyways, I do what I can. Two things that I did were change my legal name (Nicole Erin Lastname) and my voice is now trained to sound like a woman. Never does anyone on the phone call me “sir” and they always ask for (my male name) and if I am his wife. Not sure if auto-erotica counts for being my own “wife” but anyways…
Everyone knows me as Erin. yes I know the whole Aaron VS Erin but I like Erin. It is truly “me”.

Anyways so my experience is that except for the rudest people out there, no one else gives me a hard time. Once people learn my name and hear my voice, I am “she”. I find it interesting cause with my features, they have GOT to know I am genetically male. Yet they treat me as female.

So for the assimilation process, I feel that changing my name and training my voice have been the two best things that have helped me along. Well that and my awesome fashion sense (I dress “chic") While “passing without question” would be great, it is just not going to happen for me. I will not let that stop me from living as a woman.

But what is living as a woman? To me it means presenting as a woman, and working, having a job. I caught a break and have a job. Nothing big, but of course with a company, Home Depot, who is very much against discrimination.

I think for my sisters out there who fear going full time cause “not everything is perfect “ yet, I would say “do not let that stop you”.
Even if someone, like myself, cannot afford fancy procedures, there are cheap or free ways around certain things. My beard removal involves tweezers, a desk light, and a magnifying mirror (then shaving the rest when I get lazy) but it is smooth.

I think the most important thing I have done though is I don’t make an issue of being TS or woman.
Sure dating is always an issue, but it is for any TS. Even the best looking post-op eventually has to “come out”.

Also, years ago I purchased your voice training program, and I hate to admit it took several years before I got off my butt to actually DO any of the things you said, but once I did, my voice changed. My one sentence summary of the lessons would be - “Learn to restrict the lower part of the voice then learn to fine-tune it”.

Anyways that is my experience to this point.

Further reading:
http://www.tsroadmap.com/mental/accept.html