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Well-Being
Information about your state of mind, as well as emotional and spiritual well-being.
Standards of care
Therapy
Self-acceptance
Gender tests
Spirituality
Coming out
Family issues
Sunday, September 23, 2007
A reader notes:
I am currently starting my transition. I am doing it slowly. 9 out of 10 people think I am a woman anyway!  And that’s without makeup! I look so forward to the day I can be in the role full time. Right now my dad is the main obstacle. My mom is pretty much accepting to a degree. How did your parents react at first? My dad is so hurt by this. Any advice on how to help him deal with this? It’s not like I’m his only son. I have three brothers. I know that sounds a bit selfish and one sided, but I need to find a way to show him that I am happier living my life this way. Each time I jump through one of these “hoops” I am all the happier. It makes me one step closer to my goal. Two years of therapy have really helped me along this far. Unfortunately with the issues I have had I have been hospitalized twice for anorexia. But I am on my way back! YAY!! But like I mentioned, my dad is the one big issue I need to get around and I would most appreciate any advice you could possibly give to me.
My reply:
Glad the info is helpful! Parents are tricky. My mom freaked at first, but is now fine with things basically. Part of it is the fear of the unknown. She thought I was relegating myself to a world of freakdom, but now that she sees that I do fine, she’s fine. You might check out my transitioning young page for thoughts on coming out to parents. There’s a link to a good PFLAG document, too.
Related information:
* Coming out tips
This is talk, not advice. See Terms of Use for details.
Saturday, September 22, 2007
A reader notes:
Hi, I am from Family Pride Coalition. Our mission statement is to advance the well-being of LGBT parents and their families through mutual support, community collaboration and public understanding. I am writing to see if you have any resource information regarding transgendered families. This is a subject that is growing rapidly as our organization grows and we would love to provide information. Can you remcommend magazines that may relate to Transgendered Families? Or any other information.
My reply:
The best resources I can recommend are:
Trans Forming Families ed. by Mary Ann Boenke
* Trans Forming Families: Excerpts, Reviews, Ordering info
Available on Amazon:
* Trans Forming Families: Real Stories About Transgendered Loved Ones, 2nd Edition
http://aiyiyi.com/transbook/
A British Group has this nice open letter:
* An open letter to the parents of transsexual children
PFLAG has a good coming out thing
PFLAG: Our Trans Children
Related content:
* Transsexual people and family issues
* Early transition: Coming out to parents
* Selected resources for young trans people
This is talk, not advice. See Terms of Use for details.
A reader notes:
I am not part of TG community. I see the purpose of this site. and you serve it well and express you view of this plus you back it up with specific evidence which is good. This is a well organized website and I respect that, but now let me ask some questions. “if this is a transgender site what is transgenderism. Are all people like this and once they have a sex change and things like that are they satisfied with it???? because i know people that have it and change their sex and identity and regret it later on they want to go back for some extraordinary reason which i cannot explain in words.
And another thing why do be feel transgendered. THey say God designed you according to what you should be so shouldn’t you go along. Doing things like this is like going against Mother Nature or breaking a law science or something like that. at least it is to me.
Well anyway thats all i have. By the way i suggest you think about what i asked and read them carefully before answering them. See ya later. By the way do you like Alternative Rock or play the oboe??
My reply:
Transgenderism is a catch-all phrase used to describe anyone who expresses themselves outside of accepted gender roles, such as cross-dressers or androgynous people. Transsexualism is a specific subset, where we seek corrective surgery in order to live as we have felt since birth. While there are cases of regret, a true transsexual has no regrets. Unfortunately, some people get surgery for the wrong reasons.
While there are religions that condemn medical intervention of any kind, I look at changing my sex as similar to getting any sort of surgery, such as eye surgery.
I discuss religious matters and TS issues at length at:
http://www.tsroadmap.com/mental/spirit.html
Yes, I like alternative rock. I played the flute since 2nd grade, not oboe.
Related content:
Transsexual spirituality
This is talk, not advice. See Terms of Use for details.
Posted by Andrea James on 09/22 at 08:50 AM
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Friday, September 21, 2007
A reader notes:
I need a need way to approach things with my mom. I feel that I’ve already exhausted every way that I know how. Right now I’ve just been trying to ignore things, but every time I go home she always has something to criticize. The last time I was home she tried to again discourage taking hormones, I kind of mentioned to my aunt that after getting a shot I feel sick for the rest of the day, and that filtered through to my mom.
Today really got to me though because I called to tell them that a employer who I interviewed with today, wanted me to come up to their offices to show me around and interview with some of the project managers. I was very happy wanted to share this with them and then my mom picked up the phone. And in the distant/sarcastic kind of tone she’s been using with me since I told her about things, she said a few words and handed the phone over to my dad. He, of course, happened to mention that she has been stressed put lately and is going to the hospital to get some tests done. Talk about losing my high.
I just don’t know of any other way to make her understand things. I’m also scared that in January, if things go as I’d like, I’ll be getting a new face and when I tell her what I did, she’ll completely loose it and have a heart attack or something. I just can’t have that on my conscience. If you have any suggestions I’d REALLY appreciate it, because I have to go home tomorrow. Believe me its getting harder to go home every time I have to go.
My reply:
There’s a certain point where you can’t control others’ reactions any more than they can control yours. If she’s blaming all her stress on you, that’s not fair. She’s the one with the problem. I understand her worrying and her fear of the unknown, but even if she did have a heart attack (which I very seriously doubt), it would be due to the passive-aggressive manner in which she’s trying to control you and her inability to work through her feelings in a constructive manner.
Bottom line is that she needs to understand this is who you are. She has two choices:
1. Accept.
2. Don’t.
As much as she might think she can change your mind, she needs to understand that she can’t.
If I were you, I’d let her know that, but you’re the one who has to deal with the fallout. There are diplomatic ways to let her know the two choices, or there are matter-of-fact ways. That’s your call.
This is talk, not advice. See Terms of Use for details.
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