Transsexual Road Map Notes

Friday, September 28, 2007

Turning transition hopes into tangible goals

A reader notes:

Your plans and organizational presentation have put a peace on me that just show me that I have recently been very disorganized and even disoriented about this whole transition adventure. I am not nearly as young as you but I surely feel so much more relaxed knowing the hope is real. I have been scared and even frightened with the thoughts of wondering what am I heading for. Your pages have enlightened my heart and I feel oh so very happy knowing you have become so very pretty. I am not only happy for you. And I genuinely mean happy for you. But I feel absolutely wonderful about the future. Planning and maintaining the goal looks very important to me at this moment. Your comments on keeping hidden and low key about what you do in front of others until you go full time is so very very special and has a depth of meaning that you pass on so well. I feel it inside and I know I have been directed to your page for help and confidence about my future. I am all alone and very much afraid of what is coming. But now feel confident I can do it and it is right. It is definitely right for me to go on. From the bottom of my heart Thank You for being available to me. Thank You for being so practical and real at a time when I needed to see something real for a change. It all sometimes just seems so very unreal and expressions others put on things and advice just don’t match reality.

My reply:

It wasn’t until I met a couple of women with whom I could identify that it became real for me, either. I think having a role model or two is what it takes to turn a fantasy into a reality.
Since I have put up my site, there have been several women who have documented their own transitions. Each has a different set of challenges, and I hope readers will find among the sites out there someone whose life seems close to their own. I hope that if you stumble across any tips or advice you think might help others, you will add them to our collective wisdom to make it easier for those who come after us.
I’m honored that my example has helped you make a dream into a tangible goal.

Related resources:
* Customizing your transition timetable
* Self-acceptance

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Transition in a small town?

A reader notes:

I am 23, and have been dressing as a woman for a long time. I truly want to be a woman but I live in a small town and everyone is closed minded so I keep things to myself. I am asking if you would, please email me and help my self esteem and me get used to or the courage enough to follow through on who I really want to be. Female. I really hope you write. I will send a pic if you want if you write me which I hope you do. I am scared. you probably know the feeling.

My reply:

I know people who have transitioned in very small towns with no problem. In some ways, it’s safer than big towns. The main problem is usually finding resources like electrolysis, therapy, etc.
I recommend finding a good therapist and talking through your fears. It’s good to have concerns-- it shows you’re being realistic. However, you may find in therapy that some of your fears are unfounded.
You can transition if you really want to. Don’t let unrealistic fears stop you. Best of luck!

Related resources:
* Choosing a therapist
* A List of Therapists Experienced in the Treatment of Transgender Persons (via Dr. Becky)

Finding the courage to transition

A reader notes:

How does one build up the courage to undergo transition?  Im 29 year old recently divorced professional who lives in a small city in the heartland.  I have suffered from gender issues for as long as I can remember and I really need to do something about it.
I am wondering what options I have for making myself look more feminine.  I am 5’ 6” tall, over weight, and look too much like a guy.  Should I go for facial feminization surgery (do you know of any surgeons in my area?) or should I try to go on hormones instead, or should I try both (plus dieting and exercising)?  Does one need to be referred by a psychiatrist to undergo facial surgery?
I’m terrified of transition because I look too much like a guy, and I can’t handle the thought of people staring at me.  How can I make myself passable?  I would do anything just to look like an average woman.
Your web site is extremely informative and has given me alot of ideas about what direction I want to go.

My reply:

I recommend setting out a long-term plan based on your finances and goals. Do hair removal first. Diet and exercise (your height is perfect already!). Work on your voice. Start therapy. Look into plastic surgeons (check drbecky.com for TS-recommended surgeons in your area). You may need to travel. Figure out if your hairline is OK.
The courage comes from dealing with each tiny step. The confidence comes with each day you move closer to your goal. It’s scary at first, but a little every day is the way to get over the fear.

Related information:
* Self-acceptance and transition

Panic attacks and transition

A reader notes:

I LOVE your site and I am spending many wonderful moments reading all I can on it, to help me in my transition. I have only been out 1 week today, let me tell you a little about myself. I am 51 years old never been on hormones, and longing to become more femimine in my outward body as well as my inner body. I have only just started living full-time as my True-Self and I LOVE it, BUT twice this week I have had a panic attack in the house, is this a normal thing that girls like us go through, I will close now but as i said before I LOVE YOUR Web-Site and it IS helping me a Great deal, THANK YOU, for thinking of others like myself.

My reply:

I know a couple of people who have had panic attacks (myself included), but I don’t think it’s more common than any other group dealing with incredible stress. Mine were triggered by stimulants in some cases. I hope your therapist can help you trace the source of your worries, which can help reduce the frequency and intensity of panic attacks.

Related resources:
* Panic attacks via Mayo Clinic
* Answers to Your Questions About Panic Disorder (via American Psychology Association)

Sunday, September 23, 2007

Should I even waste my time on transition?

A reader notes:

I am a male that has always wanted to be a woman but I am very masculine.  Passing is very important to me.  Is there any amount of money that could help me achieve this?

My reply:

Money is less of an issue than other sorts of efforts. The things that make for a good transition as far as passing require effort. Voice, self-acceptance, confidence.
I recommend starting therapy and discussing your feelings. It will help you decide if the idea is more appealing to you than the reality.

Related information:
* Self-acceptance
* Choosing a gender therapist
* Transsexual voice resources