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Basics
The basics about the site and about transition.
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Web safety
Sunday, November 18, 2007
A reader notes:
First of all I want to say your website is fantastic and I figure I will start this by telling you a little about myself so you can gain a perspective. I am 19 years (turned 19 little over a month ago) Living on the east coast I am in my first year of college, starting out in a community college for two years then hopefully transferring into a four year college for another two years to gain my bachelors (My major is Digital Media Arts). (Other than that I don’t want to go into to much detail)
My plan for transition is to start in January 2008 with hormones about 2 months away. Then I’d assume I will stay undercover for 2 years or more if possible working on many aspects, voice, name change (probably a gender neutral name), and social security change. My face is already feminine looking always been mistaken for a girl, yay for genes but I am worried about electrolysis for facial hair specifically the cost, and just mainly all the steps I’d have to go to do it. Should I just try the One Touch Home Electrolysis?
Also I know you can’t answer questions about hormones but I felt this was more towards financing transition and safety. I am considering ordering estrace (estriodol) 2mg and spironolactone 100mg online, I’ve read so much online sayings go see a doctor/therapist, well I cant afford it, or maybe I can I just don’t want people to know, just seems like a hassle…I don’t know and I am still “in the closet”. (I know I sound cheap ordering everything online I don’t know how else to do it)
The Websites:
http://www.medstore.biz/prescriptions/estrace/
http://www.medstoreinternational.com/order-Estrace.php#Buy%20Estrace
http://www.inhousepharmacy.com/transgender/estrofem-t.html
(Being more specific) In addition I want to say I have giving my transition as much thought as I could. I am contacting you to see if I am on the right track I have done a lot of research. If you have any comments/suggestions/help on anything I left out to consider I would greatly appreciate it. – thank you!
My reply:
You sound as if you are thinking all this through carefully, which means it it far more likely to go well!
Taking medications under a doctor’s supervision is the safest option and the only one I can legally recommend. However, many people in your situation order hormones via the internet and do not bother with medical supervision. I have information on ways to obtain hormones here:
Obtaining hormones and antiandrogens as a minor: overview
Starting antiandrogens as soon as possible will help significantly with stopping additional facial hair. I would not start facial hair removal until a month or so after you begin antiandrogens.
Do-it-yourself electrolysis is very difficult to do correctly, and you can damage your skin if you are not careful.
Do-it-yourself electrolysis
You may find that you don’t need much hair removal once you are blocking the androgens in your system.
To answer your main question, you are definitely on the right track! Keep researching and planning the way you have, and best of luck!
This is talk, not advice. See Terms of Use for details.
Wednesday, October 03, 2007
A reader notes:
Before I got my computer and learned some of the things I have already learned, I actually did some of those things that you said would best be left until you go full time. I know from personal experience, that it does NOT make things better, but rather much worse. The People you work with do NOT think that you want to change, but that you are either completely nuts or just confused. As much and as badly as I wanted to change it was a very stupid thing for me to do. I am not now even sure that I can undo what has already been done. So, please take it from someone who learned it the hard way, and TRUST Andrea, in what she has written, “Knowledge Is Power”. The more you know the better off you will be and the smoother your transition will be. Thank you so much for this wonderful Web Site.
My reply:
Accessories: Earrings, long painted nails, makeup, and feminine clothing shouldn’t be done until you’re full-time. It will not make people at work or school or home more accepting of you to give them hints like this. Wait until you’re ready to go full-time. People will notice, and you may get outed sooner than you’re ready. It seems as if people who do those things early on want to get busted. This is a very risky thing to do unless you’re ready to face the consequences.
Related information:
*Customizing a transition timetable
This is talk, not advice. See Terms of Use for details.
Sunday, September 30, 2007
A reader notes:
Uhm, hi, just this morning, I sort of openly acknowledged my desire to be female, but uhm… after reading your site, I’m incredibly worried, which I guess is nothing new, that I’m lying to myself somehow. I’ve never thought of myself explicitly as female, although I’ve often expressed the desire to be female, mentally or while alone, and I’ve always felt kind of uncomfortable in my body and stuff, and… I guess I’m REALLY just worried that I’m not transsexual, and that I’ll be rejected if I see a therapist, or by you, or by anyone, and I don’t wanna tell anyone I’m transsexual if I’m really not…
I don’t know what to ask, I mean… am I weird for wanting to be female?? Is that not the definition of transsexuality? I’ve sometimes mentally identified myself as female, but never entirely, and your site makes me feel as if I’m unwelcome or an imposter or something because I never wholeheartedly have. I’m 18 years old in my freshman year in college, and I had my first sexual encounter with a girl last night, and I felt really uncomfortable, but not like… as though I didn’t like her, but kind of alien in my body, which has sort of been the case my whole life. I can’t really explain it, I just… don’t feel right.
I know this will probably sound even WORSE, but when I was 11, I started pretending to be a girl online, not for cybersex or anything like that, but just because I filled the role better and I felt more comfortable. I’ve done it since then and still do it today, and… I’m scared you’ll look down on that, nobody has ever confronted me and gone “You’re male” or anything, so I don’t think I’m bad at it, I guess? I don’t know what I’m trying to say, I’m sorry.
Ugh, I’m sorry for the poor structure of this letter, but I had a breakdown after acknowledging it this morning, and I’ve slowly felt better throughout the day, and I’m almost feeling better since finding your site.
Please, please just tell me if I’m some sort of weirdo, or if I might be transsexual or what… I’m so confused right now, I’m having a hard time just putting this together.
I don’t want to think I’m transsexual and then actually not be… and… I dunno, I’m really scared of being told I’m not transsexual, when I really think I am.
My reply:
Thanks for writing. A lot of people have serious thoughts about things they don’t act on, whether it’s divorce, or traveling the world, or transition. I don’t think I’m in a position to label you based on your email. It’s your identity. Many people who call themselves ‘transsexual’ don’t fit my personal definition for that, but that does not automatically mean they are some sort of weirdo.
Gender identity and expression are very complicated and not easily reduced to categories. It seems that your playing female characters is one form of gendered expression, and is quite harmless. I’m sure a lot of people do it for a lot of reasons. The question to ask is why you enjoy that-- what about that do you prefer in the game?
When asking yourself serious questions about your feelings, it is critical to separate fantasy and reality. In some people, especially older transitioners, their feelings are connected with midlife crisis: dissatisfaction with work, family, a sense of death approaching, etc. Some people may have a largely sexual fantasy of transition. They tend to be the ones that cause me the most problems: writing me sexualized letters in an attempt to incorporate me into their fantasies of transition, posing as (typically adolescent) transwomen in hopes of befriending real adolescent transwomen, sending me nasty “erotic” photos of themselves… despite that, I think that’s a form of gendered expression, and possibly the only outlet they have for their feelings.
Most younger people seem to ask if they will be able to move through the world more easily and happily if they transition. That’s the real question, and on some level it’s a leap of faith. You should take the time to consider carefully the pros and cons. One question to ask yourself: how do you feel about growing old as either gender? I also recommend speaking with a therapist, writing letters like the one you wrote me (even if you never send them to anyone), talking to trusted people about your feelings. It’s only through expressing your thoughts that the answers will become clear to you.
It’s easy to turn inward and feel a lot of shame about all this, so I want to encourage you to explore your feelings in safe, constructive ways. I believe your online gaming is part of that safe and constructive exploration. If there are other things you wish to explore, you should look into those as well. I also recommend joining some online communities and possibly seeing a therapist who has experience in this area.
tsroadmap.com is written for people who have no doubts they are going to transition and are seeking information. If you have doubts, you need to clear that up on your own. I can’t tell you what you are, and I can’t tell you what to do. I can only provide information and suggestions for further research. In the end, you have to take responsibility for these important decisions.
Again, I am glad you felt you could write to me, and I’m sorry if some of my information made you anxious or confused. I hope this letter alleviates that!
Related information:
* Self-acceptance
* A note on “gender tests”
This is talk, not advice. See Terms of Use for details.
Friday, September 28, 2007
A reader notes:
Your site is wonderful!! Informative and assuring.
I’m in a major crisis as to how to live with my feelings.
I believe I’ve created a masculine gender hell and feelings and dreams of being a woman are flooding me more intensely than ever.
I’m really scared.
t is nothing new, it goes back as far as early puberty.
The fear is, because I’m really facing this in the real world for the first time.
Now at 33, I’m no longer deceiving myself, but how do live with this? i know this is not the objective of your site, but I respect the way you addressed the issues you do cover and I can relate to your approach much better than many others.
My reply:
I recommend seeing a good therapist. Oftentimes, talking aloud about your feelings can give you a greater sense of what you want. The main thing is to realize that transition doesn’t make you a better person or change certain things about your life. It doesn’t take away all your problems. It doesn’t let you start over. If you have realistic expectations and a good level of self-acceptance, you’ll be in a much better place to decide what’s right for you.
Related resources:
* Choosing a gender therapist
* Transgender forum list
This is talk, not advice. See Terms of Use for details.
A reader notes:
Your plans and organizational presentation have put a peace on me that just show me that I have recently been very disorganized and even disoriented about this whole transition adventure. I am not nearly as young as you but I surely feel so much more relaxed knowing the hope is real. I have been scared and even frightened with the thoughts of wondering what am I heading for. Your pages have enlightened my heart and I feel oh so very happy knowing you have become so very pretty. I am not only happy for you. And I genuinely mean happy for you. But I feel absolutely wonderful about the future. Planning and maintaining the goal looks very important to me at this moment. Your comments on keeping hidden and low key about what you do in front of others until you go full time is so very very special and has a depth of meaning that you pass on so well. I feel it inside and I know I have been directed to your page for help and confidence about my future. I am all alone and very much afraid of what is coming. But now feel confident I can do it and it is right. It is definitely right for me to go on. From the bottom of my heart Thank You for being available to me. Thank You for being so practical and real at a time when I needed to see something real for a change. It all sometimes just seems so very unreal and expressions others put on things and advice just don’t match reality.
My reply:
It wasn’t until I met a couple of women with whom I could identify that it became real for me, either. I think having a role model or two is what it takes to turn a fantasy into a reality.
Since I have put up my site, there have been several women who have documented their own transitions. Each has a different set of challenges, and I hope readers will find among the sites out there someone whose life seems close to their own. I hope that if you stumble across any tips or advice you think might help others, you will add them to our collective wisdom to make it easier for those who come after us.
I’m honored that my example has helped you make a dream into a tangible goal.
Related resources:
* Customizing your transition timetable
* Self-acceptance
This is talk, not advice. See Terms of Use for details.
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