Transsexual Road Map Notes

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Transsexual regrets and going against Mother Nature

A reader notes:

I am not part of TG community. I see the purpose of this site. and you serve it well and express you view of this plus you back it up with specific evidence which is good.  This is a well organized website and I respect that, but now let me ask some questions.  “if this is a transgender site what is transgenderism.  Are all people like this and once they have a sex change and things like that are they satisfied with it???? because i know people that have it and change their sex and identity and regret it later on they want to go back for some extraordinary reason which i cannot explain in words.
And another thing why do be feel transgendered. THey say God designed you according to what you should be so shouldn’t you go along. Doing things like this is like going against Mother Nature or breaking a law science or something like that. at least it is to me.
Well anyway thats all i have. By the way i suggest you think about what i asked and read them carefully before answering them.  See ya later. By the way do you like Alternative Rock or play the oboe??

My reply:

Transgenderism is a catch-all phrase used to describe anyone who expresses themselves outside of accepted gender roles, such as cross-dressers or androgynous people. Transsexualism is a specific subset, where we seek corrective surgery in order to live as we have felt since birth. While there are cases of regret, a true transsexual has no regrets. Unfortunately, some people get surgery for the wrong reasons.

While there are religions that condemn medical intervention of any kind, I look at changing my sex as similar to getting any sort of surgery, such as eye surgery.

I discuss religious matters and TS issues at length at:
http://www.tsroadmap.com/mental/spirit.html

Yes, I like alternative rock. I played the flute since 2nd grade, not oboe.

Related content:
Transsexual spirituality

Hairline and transplants?

A reader notes:

my questions to you concern my hairline although you told me my hairline was not that bad, i am very sensitive about my hair. i do not like the way my hair looks when it is wet and i am very nervous when it gets windy. a friend of mine had ffs and a lot of her hair fell out, i don’t know if i could handle if that happened to me, but i have looked at your pictures, a lot!!! and you hair looks great i know you had hair transplants as well, i am thinking of just having hair transplants but i am concerned about having them cut out later when they don’t do what i want. everything is so much money and i don’t have a lot. i what to make the right choice, i have very straight fine hair. can you give me more info concerning your hairline/ forehead / hair transplants surgeries i have read your webpages several times i want to know more about the limitations of each and how they have worked out for you. please any information you can give will help.

My reply:

I really don’t recommend transplants for anything more than hiding an incision, or maybe half an inch of fill. I’m glad I got mine, but I should probably have a third set to get the kind of density I need. Maybe someday… If you need more than a little fill, get a scalp advancement, I say.

Friday, September 21, 2007

Unaccepting parents are stressing me out!

A reader notes:

I need a need way to approach things with my mom.  I feel that I’ve already exhausted every way that I know how.  Right now I’ve just been trying to ignore things, but every time I go home she always has something to criticize.  The last time I was home she tried to again discourage taking hormones, I kind of mentioned to my aunt that after getting a shot I feel sick for the rest of the day, and that filtered through to my mom.
Today really got to me though because I called to tell them that a employer who I interviewed with today, wanted me to come up to their offices to show me around and interview with some of the project managers.  I was very happy wanted to share this with them and then my mom picked up the phone.  And in the distant/sarcastic kind of tone she’s been using with me since I told her about things, she said a few words and handed the phone over to my dad.  He, of course, happened to mention that she has been stressed put lately and is going to the hospital to get some tests done.  Talk about losing my high.
I just don’t know of any other way to make her understand things.  I’m also scared that in January, if things go as I’d like, I’ll be getting a new face and when I tell her what I did, she’ll completely loose it and have a heart attack or something.  I just can’t have that on my conscience.  If you have any suggestions I’d REALLY appreciate it, because I have to go home tomorrow.  Believe me its getting harder to go home every time I have to go.

My reply:

There’s a certain point where you can’t control others’ reactions any more than they can control yours. If she’s blaming all her stress on you, that’s not fair. She’s the one with the problem. I understand her worrying and her fear of the unknown, but even if she did have a heart attack (which I very seriously doubt), it would be due to the passive-aggressive manner in which she’s trying to control you and her inability to work through her feelings in a constructive manner.

Bottom line is that she needs to understand this is who you are. She has two choices:
1. Accept.
2. Don’t.
As much as she might think she can change your mind, she needs to understand that she can’t.

If I were you, I’d let her know that, but you’re the one who has to deal with the fallout. There are diplomatic ways to let her know the two choices, or there are matter-of-fact ways. That’s your call.

Reactions at work to FFS? Hormone stoppage before FFS?

A reader notes:

I’ve been in contact with FFS surgeons as a result of your pages and I’m planning on getting the scalp reduction, forehead reconstruction and tracheal shave (for starters) sometime in February.  I’m not out at work yet and I rarely go out en femme (although I started HRT in July) - much as you described as your own situation when you first went for FFS. I’m both scared and excited at the prospect as I’m sure you understand.  I thought I might ask you how people really reacted when you got back from the first surgery.  I work from a home office for a large corporation (they have no problem with male to female transition) but go to client sites quite frequently and run into a lot of different people (mostly men but there are some women).  My changes to date have some people wondering or asking questions I have to scramble to come up with answers for.  Anyway - I’m pretty concerned.  Sorry for the long winded letter.  Just looking for any additional insight or advice you might have.
p.s. Did you have to stop taking estrogen before the surgery?

My reply:

I went another 13 months at work after forehead before coming out. I wore a baseball cap most of the time (not uncommon where I worked), so it was never much of an issue. I also think, unlike a nose job, people don’t say, “Gee, you had your forehead recountoured, didn’t you?” It’s just not on their radar. I continued on sales calls through that time, ponytail and all, though by the end strangers thought I was a chick a lot… people I saw every day, seemed less aware of gradual change, where those I only saw occasionally might comment I looked different. I usually said it was the ponytail or I lost weight or whatever. That’s usually enough.

Most FFS surgeons do not require stoppage of hormones as far as I know. Check with them on current policy.

Will unsupervised hormones as a teen make finding a doctor as an adult harder?

A reader notes:

I’m seventeen years old (my birthday is in March, I am turning eighteen years old in 2008) and I’m wondering lots about obtaining estrogen and other things as a minor. I read your website so much about obtaining medicines as a minor and it’s helped me so much that it’s just wonderful, oh, thank you so much! But I wanted to ask some questions about maybe obtaining them from online stores like inhousepharmacy.com? I am wondering lots if I started obtaining medicines as a minor, when I am finally allowed to have a physician would they be able to supply me official estrogens and other things? I am worried that they might think I am unable or unfit to take estrogens because I “sneakily” took medicines before. I am also wondering if it is better for me to wait until I am eighteen (because I turn 18 in March), but I am very scared so much of growing more masculine in six months and I’m very worried. Do you have any suggestions?

My reply:

Thanks for writing! Many physicians will continue your prescriptions under medical supervision after you start them in an unsupervised way. Their reason is usually part of a harm reduction model. In other words, physicians have taken an oath to “do no harm,” and many interpret that to mean it is less harmful to have someone on hormones medically supervised rather than having them taking them on their own.

If you decide hormones and antiandrogens are right for you, don’t let concerns about future problems finding health services stop you. It may take a little looking around once you are an adult, but it shouldn’t be difficult to find a physician who will continue your hormones.

She followed up:

I am just very worried that if I obtain medicines as a minor, it isn’t against the law, is it? If I order estrogen from online and when I’m eighteen I tell my physician thingies about why I started taking medicines unsupervised (if I’m unsupervised) and other things, would I be arrested? I am just very scared, because I am moving overseas once I turn 18 and I am going to start a new life there and I do not know what to do. Maybe I’m just mean and I haven’t read all of your website and the pharmacy websites yet, but my psychologist talked to a therapist about me being 17 and wanting to be myself and the psychologist said “It would be a problem” if my parents didn’t know about me wanting medicines and things. I am so sorry to bother you so much! I’m just so worried.....

My reply:

You will not be arrested.

The worst thing that could happen now is they stop your prescriptions at the border and confiscate them before they reach you. You would lose the money, but that’s it. That doesn’t happen very often, though.

The worst thing that could happen if you tell a doctor as an adult is they won’t be willing to fill your prescriptions. Then you ask others until you find someone.

Your psychologist is right that it would be easier if you did all this with your parents’ support, but that won’t be an issue after you turn 18 in a few months.

More information:
* Obtaining hormones and antiandrogens as a minor: overview