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Reading Mike: The Annotated Bailey: Chapter 8, page 153
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Commentary |
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[153]
8 Terese and Cher |
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| tion, and the art faculty began to buy his paintings.
He kept quirky hours, working at all hours of the night at a studio, where
he could usually cross-dress in private. He ultimately dropped out of college
because he thought he could make it as an artist. Cher refers to what followed
as Chuck’s "Bum period." During this time, Chuck began feeling
depressed about cross-dressing because it made him feel "freakish"
and "lonely." (Chuck was still a virgin, and did not have an active
dating life.) He sought behavior modification therapy, and stopped cross-dressing
for about five years. During this time, he met and confided in a psychologist,
who, Cher believes, wanted to cure Chuck, and they became romantically involved.
At age 33, Chuck lost his virginity. Chuck did not find the relationship
gratifying, however, and the relationship did not last. |
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After the break up, Chuck was driving through
a poor neighborhood and noticed a wig in a garbage can. He stopped the car
and waited, struggling internally with the intense urge to get out and get
the wig. He drove on, but after a few blocks the urge was so intense that
he drove back to the garbage can and collected the wig. Oddly, there were
a number of other women’s clothes with the wig—Cher suspects that
Chuck had stumbled upon the results of a cross-dresser’s recent purge.
Soon after this, Chuck made peace with cross-dressing, and stopped worrying
whether it was normal or acceptable.
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This began a period in Chuck’s life marked
by a devotion to cross-dressing that was both obsessive and highly creative.
He began collecting pornography that featured pictorial stories of women
in various stages of dress and undress (nurses, stewardesses, and so on).
He would search junk clothing stores and clothing catalogues to recreate
their costumes, and would cross-dress and fantasize about them in private.
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Chuck’s fantasies began to involve more than looking
like a woman. Increasingly, he began to fantasize about having a vagina,
and about being penetrated by a man. He was not attracted to any specific
man, and he did not fantasize about specific men, only faceless men, and
their penises. He enjoyed the fantasy of being physically dominated, as
well as vaginally penetrated, by a man.
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