Begun
The prospect of being a young woman and not just a
woman someday excites me. Before being swept into the endless ocean of middle-age,
I want to experience something special, a period of life I would have had
as a biological woman but one the majority of transsexuals are past when they
begin their transformation. I chose to begin my transition at twenty-one having
found myself for the first time in my life truly in control of my own destiny.
After three years at a prominent midwestern university, I graduated early
and there-by liberated myself from the host of social pressures which had
canalized my life to that point. If you are a young transsexual reading this
advice, then please take control of your own life. We are all beholden to
outside pressures, but few discomforts outweigh the emotional, psychological
and spiritual liberation of the transition to a female life.
When to begin?
As I just stated, I waited until I graduated from college to begin my transition.
In hindsight I wish I had begun hormones a bit earlier, but I eventually took
other measures to expedite my transition. In my opinion there is little to
be gained by a transition in media res at college or even high school. Most
transsexuals have a certain degree of emotional fragility and school can be
a very bad place to come out.
Harassment, physical or psychological, might be too much for many transsexuals
to deal with, especially given our young age. Of course transsexuals can face
prejudices at any age and in any forum, but no one is hopefully so jaded as
to forget the special insensitivity which abounds in places of learning. If
you successfully transitioned in high school then you are truly a goddess
and hopefully changed your name to Athena or Brunhilde or something.
I went to one of the more liberal universities in this country, but no matter
a school's broad reputation for tolerance there are bound to be packs of meat-head
guys and fraternity he-men who would love to make your life miserable, especially
if infused with some liquid courage. Another bad place to come-out or even
cross dress would be a dorm. Some people are simply freaked by TSs and they
might find some sympathizers to an argument that one's TS lifestyle disrupts
their own studies ("studies" is a word which unlike "life"
a school's administration will never ignore). Unlike homosexuals, transsexuals
are not a large or vociferous enough a group to ensure an administration's
sympathy and protection. Of course this depends on the school, my alma mater
the University of Michigan would have poured the wrath of God upon someone
harassing a homosexual, transsexual or any similar individual. With this after-the-fact
protection would come a lot of unwelcomed attention from both the scholastic
and local media. I for one keep a low profile now and certainly would have
done so had I transitioned in college. An option for those who believe
themselves truly ready is to go androgynous rather than femme. Wool skirts
are my favourite article of clothing, but Adidas soccer pants would probably
be more appropriate for one trying to be inconspicuous while in transition.
Hair - a brief interlude:
Hair to me is the most precious thing in the world. If you have the means,
begin your transition before you even start to lose
a single hair to male pattern baldness! Smother in its sleep one of
the ugliest monsters a transsexual can ever face. Hair is meant to be full,
long and played with. Grow your hair out in high school or college. It will
desensitize people to its appearance and make yourself feel SO much more feminine.
Feed your brain
If you are reading this then you already recognize
the vast amounts of information available on the internet. College, however,
is an opportune time to explore areas of knowledge which might bolster your
understanding of sexual reassignment. Courses in biology, chemistry and psychology
will all contain information relevant to the hormonal and mental aspects of
the transformation. One course which I took and found invaluable was in the
Physical Anthropology department. Their course on osteology introduced me
to the skeletal system and made me appreciate the differences between male
and female skeletons, particularly in the cranium and mandible (jaw). This
knowledge proved powerful when seeking facial feminization surgery. Personally
understanding a surgeon's technique was much less important to me than fully
grasping the fundamental need for an alteration. Most people would be hard
pressed to articulate the exact bony differences between men and women; to
understand these differences will require some amount of education whether
personally-directed or done in a formal academic setting.
Society, that pesky reality:
Social reorganization is an arena where the advantages
of youth can help ease and even expedite the transition. The years following
high-school and/or college are a period of natural change. We meet new friends
and lose old ones. Fresh interests are explored which previously were just
fancy and many old passions wither. Careers begin, often more than once. In
short it is a perfect time to under take the physical and social reformation
of one's self. Take advantage of the fact that most people do not expect those
under the age of twenty-five to be shining examples of consistency or responsibility.
My parents took the news of my transition much better now than they would
have in five years. Looking or acting "weird" (i.e. those awkward
moments when you cannot really pass as a girl but you're too effeminate to
be a regular joe) while relatively young is less-likely to bring notice than
similar actions in older transsexuals. This is true if for no other reason
that many of our peers are more-accepting of diversity and/or less concerned
with social conformity. Living and working in a youthful, Bohemian area may make your
transition a lot easier (I live in suburbia and isolation has become a new theme
in my life).
A bit more to consider:
A child, a wife, a business, et cetera are obligations
that cannot simply be set aside with alacrity. Make the decision to transition
before any of these are realities of your life. Quitting your job at
the Seven-Eleven will be a hell of a lot easier than leaving a career-tract
business ten-years from now. Personally I am not even going to go to graduate
school until I am completely finished with my transition. My professional
success will be determined by the quality of my work and the interpersonal
interactions in graduate school. To entre before completing my transition
or to transition after all my schooling would damage my chances of a successful
career. A firm may not be keen on hiring you or even retaining you if you
suddenly flip sexes on them (this is unfair, generally illegal, but nonetheless
a harsh reality). If you can entre your career as a female, then one's transsexualism
should never be a relevant issue. Likewise if you finish a transition by your
late twenties there is no excuse for not being bale to start anew in social
circles. So many non-transsexuals are lost and transitory at this age that
our own transition does not stand out so starkly. This may be generational,
but those under forty deal best with transsexualism, homosexuality, et cetera.
Thirtysomething transsexuals, while in this group are more likely to have
interactions with and be social or professionally dependent upon those over
forty. A twenty-three year old hireling deals with a supervisor likely only
a few years their senior, not the crusty old senior vice president a ten-year
employee answers too. Being young sucks in a lot of ways, but its desultory
nature can be a tremendous advantage.
Biology - another rude interruption
Read up on the biological realities of the transition;
they can be quite different for transsexuals under twenty-five. One factor
likely to be over-looked in the information you stumble upon is the healing
potential of younger transsexuals. I just underwent a complete facial-feminization
surgery under Dr. Ousterhout in San Francisco. He did my chin, trachea, lip,
nose, brow ridges, and nominally advanced by scalp. In other words just about
everything he can do to patient. Perhaps I am just a freak-of-nature, but
compared to the other patients, many of whom underwent less surgery, I did
smashingly well. I never needed narcotic pain killers (not even right after
the surgery!), I had only minimal bruising around my eyes (compared to some
real shiners on the other girls) and my healing proceeded at a rapid pace.
I had a good ten years on any of the other patients and it showed. The salubrious
truth of simply being young logically extends to hormones, electrolysis and
of course SRS. Given the social risks of transitioning, a young, healthy body
can render undue concern about the mechanics unnecessary. Still young transsexuals
should take the same precautions with hormones and surgery as anyone.
The down side (very brief)
The "disadvantages" of youth lie primarily in the reactions of
others. The prejudices against a young transsexual can be immense. No matter
your personal preparation and sincerity there will people who consider your
decision a sign of youthful temerity and a troubled mind. The ready courage
we can display is too often assumed to be enervated by innate capriciousness.
Granted a lot of the things I do in life are rash and impetuous. I spend too
much money, I drive too fast in snow, or I open my big mouth at all the wrong
times. Such is life, such is youth. If, however, there is one intransigent
decision in my life it has been to pursue sexual reassignment. I spent the
better part of my collegiate years educating myself about transsexualism and
engaging in that intense introspection necessary for so momentous a reckoning.
In the end I had found peace with myself and had accepted that the needs and
reactions of others must be subordinate to my fundamental happiness. Believing
in your worth and rights as an individual is self caring not selfishness.
Never let someone tell you that thinking "only of yourself" is inherently
wrong. The person telling you that is indeed the only truly selfish one. It
is a lot easier to recognize and act on this truth at a young age when it
is still in fact your reality and not your memories.
The bottom line:
George Harrison (yes the coolest Beatle and the best solo musician of the
lot):
But it's gonna take money
A whole lotta spending money
It's gonna take plenty of money
To do it right child
So my final point is the harsh reality of money, you will need to somehow,
in some way finance the transition. Look at Andrea's advice and determine
the exigencies of your own situation. Being young and
less-entrenched in a certain socio-economic sphere (personal rather than parental),
young transsexuals might be more willing and able to work lower-paying jobs
which allow gender flexibility.
If your parents have money, say or do anything to get
them to help you. Seriously, pride and honesty may not be the best policy
when getting funds. I do not mean to openly pursue illegal activities, but
bending the law and people's wills to your advantage may have an immeasurably
positive effect on the direction of your life.
Living part of your twenties as a young woman is priceless, do what must
be done to make it a reality.
If you are young and you know you want to do this after extensive inner reflection
(and you'll know if you *know*), don't let fear or the naysaying from others
deter you. I can't tell you how many late-transitioning women let someone talk
them out of it, only to start again many years later with all kinds of other
issues to face, including the loss of their youth.
Money is indeed a big deal. Many of us won't be lucky enough to get help from
our parents, but if you can get it, take it. Like Malcolm X said, by any means
necessary. See my sections on financing transition
and on employment issues for
important tips.
If you transitioned in your teens or twenties and have any advice you'd like
to share, please contact me , and I'll give it a permanent
(and anonymous) home.
