Well if you don't know by now I'm attending a college located in the middle
of nowhere with the nearest large cities being Indianapolis and Chicago area.
There is a small community of TSs, but that doesn't help someone of my age
since the members are 35+ yrs old. As far as I know I'm the only TS student
with one pre-op TS, Michele, who is a technician at the school.
Housing & Roommates
In my opinion, the two most important things to be
aware of in college is where you are living and who your roommates are.
The majority of people tend to live in the dorms. This is not the place to
transition. When you sign the housing agreement, you are bound by it to stay
for the Fall and Spring semesters. This type of housing works fine if you
are still entertaining the thought of transitioning. If you have begun hormones
or will be before your agreement is up, keep in mind that they work very quickly
when you are young and being in a men's dorm you will draw attention. This
is especially true when spring comes around and hiding yourself becomes more
difficult.
Please learn from my mistake. I'm in a guy's dorm until late spring, with
a roommate I do not wish to come out to, and very quickly drawing more attention
because of my face and body. Not a very good situation to be in! My recommendation
would be to live in an apartment during transitioning. This doesn't offer
the quiet environment and comfort of the dorms, but you gain the ability to
crossdress freely and draw less attention from the tenants.
This is where the choosing of roommates becomes an important issue. My recommendation
is to not even attempt transition in your freshman or even sophomore year.
This is the time where you have to meet new friends and decide who you can
trust; these are the people you will want to live with. Keep in mind though,
your best friend might not always turn out to be the best roommate, I've seen
this happen. It would be great to live in an apartment alone during your transition,
but living alone is very expensive and even if you can afford it, the extra
money would be better spent on things related to transitioning. The most important
thing when choosing your roommates is to remember that depending on your transition
timetable, they will probably have to be told about your situation. You need
to pick people you believe will support you and maintain your privacy.
The only other TS student I have known about on my campus had this happen
to him, I learned about this from the a school therapist I had seen. His roommates
found out about his crossdressing and basically kicked him out of the apartment
threatening to tell the campus. Needless to say, her was forced to leave the
school about two years ago. This is part of the reason I am hesitant in telling
my friends as of yet.
Money
The other big issue is money. There are many ways to earn money in college.
The amount you earn depends on the type of work you choose. Fast-food places,
bookstores, school related employment are easy no-experience required jobs
which are available usually at your convenience, most places allow you to
create your own work schedule so as not to conflict with classes. These are
good jobs for quick money, but the pay is rather poor and usually you cannot
work too many hours.
The other type of employment is co-ops and internships. These are jobs offered
by companies in the fields you are studying. Co-ops are positions offered
by companies in conjunction with the school to give students work experience
in their fields and at the same time allows the student to receive credit
for the work that they are doing. This is a program that the student must
enter, usually beginning after their freshman year, but varies depending on
the school. The student then alternates semesters of work and school including
summers. The most important thing about this program is that you gain relevant
work experience, you begin after your freshman year, and the pay is usually
equal to the starting pay of someone with a degree in your major. Although
this is a worthwhile program, it will extend your stay in college at least
a year. This is the path that I chose to follow.
Internships are slightly different. Many companies offer internships only
to upper classman. Also, you do not gain any school credit for your work.
The pay is usually very competitive and most internships are only for the
summer. The difficulty is obtaining an internship, since your school will
probably not help you too much in this area as they would with a co-op.
The only down side to co-ops and internships is that unless the company is
near your home, you will have to be living on your own which means there will
be expenses that cut into the money you are making. This is the reason why
companies are willing to offer high wages. Keep in mind though, if you live
with only the basic necessities you will end up with a fairly large amount
of money when you return to school.
Going full-time
Now, the issue of whether or not to live full-time while at school. This
is a very touchy area. If you are completely sure that you can integrate as
a female by all means go ahead. For the rest of us, college is a great time
to do electrolysis and to experiment if you feel the need.
Most people, aside from the all-important roommates, will not care about
you unless you are trying to pass and aren't doing it very well. That is asking
for trouble in this type of environment. In my experience, going to classes
with a reddish face from electrolysis will draw less attention than you think.
The biggest thing is a good cover story to keep the roommates satisfied if
you haven't told them yet.
Since most of us will not be able to afford SRS and
cosmetic surgery until after college, this should be the time to get all the
other important things out of the way. By this I mean, electrolysis,
growing out your hair, voice, mannerisms, therapy, and hormones. In my opinion,
hormones shouldn't be started unless you are sure you will be able to pass
after you graduate most likely without any facial alterations since you might
not be able to afford this. I cannot recommend this, but in my case I began
taking a low dosage of hormones since I was 20. Basically what this did was
help me mentally, preserve my teenage face, and keep facial hair to a minimum
with extremely minimal breast growth.
What you must keep in mind that in your final semester
you will be going to interviews with companies. Your presentation will be
very influential in obtaining a job. Looking like a guy in drag will
not get you a job, neither will looking like a guy with breasts. You must
be sure of what you want after right after graduation. Will attend your first
job as a female or male? Will you pass enough to pull it off? Or, should your
first job be as a male, until you have enough money for surgeries? How will
you hide any physical changes which have occurred? These are the questions
you need to ask yourself.The issue of outward appearance is not very important
in college. There is no dress code and people don't care what one dresses
in. Androgyny is probably your best bet if you do not wish to look completely
male. This will also go along with growing out your hair. I usually attend
class, in oversized sweatshirts and either jeans, jogging pants, or break-aways.
This doesn't draw attention to me and it's better than wearing something like
a shirt and khakis.
Parents
Telling your parents is probably the most difficult
thing in transitioning. Fear is a great inhibitor. Most importantly
there will never be a right time to tell them, the idea of "a perfect
time to tell them" is a myth that is propagated by your fears. Unless
you truly feel you will be kicked out of the house or have their financial
support be pulled, you should tell them as soon as possible. I waited many
years because I feared that my parents would stop paying my tuition. When
I finally told them, they weren't happy with my plans and are totally against
transition, but they do still love me and do want me to finish school. They
have also been helpful in many other ways.Well there are a few things to keep
in mind before telling them. Reactions vary, but if you examine your relationship
to your parents and the type of people they are, you may be able to guess
their reaction. Remember that the love from a parent is the strongest love
there is. It will help them overcome your situation, not on the day you tell
them or a week after, but hopefully in the long run.
Now, why should you tell your parents? I have found that there are two very
important reasons for telling them. The first is to easy your state of mind
and finally have a truthful relationship with them. Keeping a secret of this
magnitude puts a large strain on your mind. Doing well in college is very
important and requires you to be working on all cylinders. I have discovered
that after telling my parents I am much more able to concentrate and focus
on school. I still have the problems of transitioning, but one very large
monkey is off my back. I now know that if I have a problem I can now openly
speak to my parents about it without having to fabricate lies.
The second reason may not apply to everyone. If your parents decide to support
you and they have insurance, you are still covered by it as long as you stay
in school. If you can find competent doctors willing to maybe bend some rules,
insurance can do wonders for you. You may be covered for therapy and hormones,
although SRS and cosmetic surgery are a very long shot. In my case my parents
insurance is covering therapy and will cover hormones and medical bills as
soon as I can get them from a doctor covered by my mom's insurance plan. I
am very happy about this because to this point, I have been paying for hormones
out of my own pocket, although blood tests have come through the student health
center at school which is free. Anyway, that was extremely expensive. This
was money I could have saved to be used for electrolysis or surgery. Again,
this may not apply to everyone.
Therapy and Support
Support groups and therapy are not hard to find as long as you are in a larger
city. For those schools which are located in isolated areas of the country,
like mine, this may be more difficult.
As for support, most schools have a gay and lesbian community with one or
more organizations to support them. Most likely they are also accepting of
transsexuals. The only problem is, you might be the only transsexual on campus,
they tend to group crossdressers into the TG category too. In my case I am
the only "true" TS student in this school that the organizations
or I know of. The good thing about these organizations is that they will support
and fight for your rights if necessary, but remember that this will draw unnecessary
attention to yourself since a TS is more unique than some who is gay. What
this means is that you should choose wisely what you will do during your transition
and try to be as stealth as possible. The down side is that again, you may
end up being the only TS in the school and talking to people in the organizations
might not get some of your issues resolved.
You may need to look outside the school if a support group is what you are
looking for. Keep in mind that being of college age, you will most likely
be the youngest person at the support group. The older members of the community
seem to be the ones that attend support groups more often than the younger
members.
Therapy is a different issue. There are many reasons to seek therapy. Most
TSs seek out a therapist to obtain hormones and letters of recommendation
for SRS. Another important reason to seek therapy is to resolve any doubts
about yourself and to come to terms with who you are. This is an important
issue to work out before you decide to alter yourself through hormones and
surgery.
The student health center provides counseling and therapy
for students. In my school, you are allowed one free visit to a psychologist
per semester and 7 visits to a counselor per semester. This is great if you
have issues other than being TG, not to say that the therapist cannot help
you with something like depression which is related to being TG. Unless you
are extremely lucky, the counselors and psychologist at your school will not
be qualified to treat your case. They are mostly trained to handle things
like depression, anxiety, drug habits, etc. The psychologist I saw at my school
was very honest with me and said that he couldn't help with my TG problem,
but did offer to find me help outside the school and also helped me to get
over my depression. To obtain therapy you will most likely have to search
for a qualified therapist in a nearby city. This is where your parents insurance
would be invaluable sine therapists tend to be extremely expensive.
If you transitioned in your teens or twenties and have any advice you'd like
to share, please contact me , and I'll give it a permanent
(and anonymous) home.
